"It booonnnne lie de fi-yuh!”

How about some news to lighten up your day?

In shithole African country #12 (Sierra Leone, if it matters to you), people are dying and they have no access to drugs or medicines, as The New York Times reports.



A poor woman has contracted breast cancer and is slowly kicking the bucket. In fact, she is suffering to death. The article describes that the tumor had burst through her skin, looking like a putrid head of cauliflower weeping small amounts of blood at its edges.

Here is a photo of a cauliflower to assist you in imagining what her cancer-ridden breasts looks like.



So far, so boring.

Author of the article, Donald G. McNeil Jr, asks the woman how she feels about her unfortunate situation:

"It bone! It booonnnne lie de fi-yuh!"

Sorry, could you please repeat that?

"IT BONE! IT BOOOONNNNE LIE DE FI-YUH!"

Hats off to you, Donald, for the lulz. You're on FI-YUH!

The Parents Did It? I AM VERY SHOCKED AND APPALLED, SIR. (note: sarcasm)

DIE! DIE! DIE! GET OUT OF MY NEWS!

Unless you've been living in a cave for the past 130 days, then you would surely have heard (via newspapers, commercial news, radio, etc) of a certain "Madeleine McCann", a young girl who went missing while her family was holidaying in Portugal.

Many events happened during that time, such as Madeleine's publicity-loving parents conducting large search parties to find their daughter, enlisting the help of David Beckham (and other celebrities) for public awareness purposes, and even meeting with the Pope Benedict, who would have asked God for help on AIM, but he was offline.

The standard Missing White Woman (or girl in this case) Syndrome (MWWS) symptoms were predictably prevalent: Continual news coverage in the media, so much so, that you secretly wish her dead body is finally found so that they can report real news for once; and the immense public outpouring of real and fake sympathy.

In fact, the authors of America: The Book derived a new equation to explain this phenomenon:

MinutesofCoverage = FamilyIncome * (AbducteeCuteness/SkinColor)^2 + LengthofAbduction * MediaSavvyofGrievingParents

In case you suck at algebra, the fundamental theory of the equation is this:

When a white woman (or girl) goes missing, there are shitloads of media coverage and there are shitloads of public sympathy.
When, for example, a black boy or girl goes missing, you see none of that. The missing person's name would be lucky to even make it to the corner of the newspaper in size 4 font.

Granted, nobody cares about niggers, however the over-the-top media coverage of a missing white woman whom I don't know and don't care about, makes me care even less. Of course, the media is doing it solely for the ratings and all and not because they actually care about whoever's missing. More reason to just get your news from the Internet and the Internet only.

So what now?

The incompetency of the Portuguese police aside, they may have found evidence that Madeleine McCann died after a 'sleeping pill overdose'. It is alleged that her parent or parents were finding it hard to cope with raising 'hysterical' children. Which is where the sleeping pill comes in.

The authorities are hoping to obtain Kate McCann's (the mother) diary to expose more dirty secrets.

Did I say I was annoyed at the continual media coverage of this event? I changed my mind: There are lulz to be had.

Introduction to the Invisible Sky Magician

Hello everyone!

I am known as the Invisible Sky Magician. You might remember me from such works of fiction as The Bible, The Bible Part II: The Retranslated Version, The New Bible Part III: The Re-retranslated and Reinterpreted Version, and my newest release, The Bible 4.0: Live Heterosexually or Suck Hard.

I also recently finished casting in a Saudi Arabian action blockbuster, which I'm sure you will all enjoy. However, the worldwide release was postponed because the film director was beheaded for allegedly insulting Islam. His 4 day old corpse is currently in court where the jury will decide whether his blasphemy deserves a death sentence.

Anyways, enough shameless self-promotion. You want to know why you're even here reading this blog. Well, I guess I set up this blog just for my own interests and to make a bigoted rant or two (or over 9000). Also, I will post anything that happens in real life or Internet, that makes me LULZ (LULZ is a corruption of LOL, in case you didn't know).

So to put it in a few words, my blog is exactly like all the other millions of blogs that exist on the Internet.

Enjoy!

(If you have any comments or like to make suggestions on what things you would like to see on this blog, then feel free to make a comment)