DIE! DIE! DIE! GET OUT OF MY NEWS!
Unless you've been living in a cave for the past 130 days, then you would surely have heard (via newspapers, commercial news, radio, etc) of a certain "Madeleine McCann", a young girl who went missing while her family was holidaying in Portugal.
Many events happened during that time, such as Madeleine's publicity-loving parents conducting large search parties to find their daughter, enlisting the help of David Beckham (and other celebrities) for public awareness purposes, and even meeting with the Pope Benedict, who would have asked God for help on AIM, but he was offline.
The standard Missing White Woman (or girl in this case) Syndrome (MWWS) symptoms were predictably prevalent: Continual news coverage in the media, so much so, that you secretly wish her dead body is finally found so that they can report real news for once; and the immense public outpouring of real and fake sympathy.
In fact, the authors of America: The Book derived a new equation to explain this phenomenon:
MinutesofCoverage = FamilyIncome * (AbducteeCuteness/SkinColor)^2 + LengthofAbduction * MediaSavvyofGrievingParents
In case you suck at algebra, the fundamental theory of the equation is this:
When a white woman (or girl) goes missing, there are shitloads of media coverage and there are shitloads of public sympathy.
When, for example, a black boy or girl goes missing, you see none of that. The missing person's name would be lucky to even make it to the corner of the newspaper in size 4 font.
Granted, nobody cares about niggers, however the over-the-top media coverage of a missing white woman whom I don't know and don't care about, makes me care even less. Of course, the media is doing it solely for the ratings and all and not because they actually care about whoever's missing. More reason to just get your news from the Internet and the Internet only.
So what now?
The incompetency of the Portuguese police aside, they may have found evidence that Madeleine McCann died after a 'sleeping pill overdose'. It is alleged that her parent or parents were finding it hard to cope with raising 'hysterical' children. Which is where the sleeping pill comes in.
The authorities are hoping to obtain Kate McCann's (the mother) diary to expose more dirty secrets.
Did I say I was annoyed at the continual media coverage of this event? I changed my mind: There are lulz to be had.
